Why, Joon?
My memories only allow me to begin from a blurry peak of the dream, what seemed to be attached to it was that I owned the role of prey to a bunch of rogues, soon becoming their victim. I wasn't bothered by the fact that I bore a fatal injury, but the man who placed the incendiary on my tee was some guy who once matter to me.
Behind crates my allies & I hid as the rogues walked into a space that looked like a cabin to me. They obviously wanted us gone or dead as we sensed hatred in their eyes, although I don't seemed to understand where it came from. What happened next was the leader sending in his underdog to complete a certain mission. The corner of my right eye peeked at his underdog's shadow, finding it to be a familiar form. As I soon figured out the direction he was strolling towards, the terrified me didn't have the guts to turn back & look at his face. Footsteps closed in, I could then feel a finger ride up my back before a tag was clipped onto the back of my tee. My blank mind unwillingly authorised my body to twist around so I could achieve a better glance at him, it wasn't a consequential decision as my death was already expected.
Wide eyes, unfastened jaws, I stared at him for so long, unable to believe he chose to kill me.
Two years ago I had a crush on this guy for some reason. People say you can only love someone who owns certain standards you wish, some of mine are to be loyal, honest & to have a little touch of humour. Well this guy, who I shall name him Joon on this read, basically is not even close to my dream soulmate. Yet, in some way, I fell in love with him months later after becoming friends. Why, you ask? I don't know either. So screw what other people say, here's my maxim - your heart doesn't melt upon meeting a person who you dreamed for, it drowns in a bed of roses when the line between the eyes of both people spark.
Yup, Joon's the man who planted an explosive tag onto my tee, in my dream.
Before my head could undergo further analysis on what just happened, my instincts threw my hand towards my spine, grabbed the tag off & threw it out a nearby window. My movements were a few milliseconds slow though, as it exploded before my fist unlocked, causing my left arm to be blown into pieces. In my dream, I couldn't feel the physical pain, but I could sense the force of the explosion, and the confused emotions running though my nerves like shooting fireworks into the sky. While I was carried, attempted to be saved by my allies, I can only focus on what just occurred. Questions flooded my mind like a tsunami but I could only remember one question -
Why would the guy be Joon?
As a rookie in lucid dreaming, I woke myself up, the upper half of my body jumped out of bed while my tired eyes struggled to hold tears of fright & shock. A clear understanding just can't be made. I tried so hard to return into that heartbreaking dream so I could change the fate of mine & his, yet I can only experience the original scene in repeat. I gave up, sat on my bed while doing my best to defend the deep thoughts I never thought would come to me again after I moved on. It was tough because I was the one in love - I confessed, got rejected, burned away precious time so I could escalate away from the story of a shattered heart. To think about it now, it was foolish love. Joon was way below my standards of maturity back then, after seeing him chase after my friend granted me a whole new perspective of him, not hiding the point that I forced myself to spot more darkness of him so I could forget about the heartbreak in a shorter time. Nonetheless, the point is that our relationship wouldn't actually last long if we accepted each other.
Yet because of all these baffling concerns, the idea of Joon appearing in my dream & being the man to end my life really defeats me. Does it mean that I'm not over the past? Does it show that I still have feelings for him? It's crazy because the last time I thought about this was months ago, and it was portrayed more like a joke than a serious mind intrusion. Of course I couldn't blame him for this, he doesn't control my nightmares, as a matter of fact I'm the one in fault for putting myself into the mess I took so long to shake off. I mean, it would be fine if he appeared as an extra who wouldn't interfere much, but he's the man who killed me, how am I suppose to accept that as 'okay'? I find it impossible to solve the mystery created by my own system, in spite of writing this post a day after the dream happened.
Hey Joon, if you happen to read this, I hope that you are now mature enough to understand that I had a fucking dream which I didn't audition for as a screenwriter, basically explaining that I have no idea why did you popped out and pinned a tiny bomb onto me. Am I really so awful that you had to silence my heartbeats? To be very frank I'm horribly saddened by this (gosh it's weirdly hilarious to feel so), thus it'd be great if you could send in some texts although I don't know how would it make me feel better & lower the level of awkwardness between us. Youch.
To more happy dreams, huskies!
